Almost everything I can learn in so-called “successful communities” like high-achievers, pick-up artists or whatever, it focuses on giving you a technique for something specific.
Do this to overcome your approach anxiety, do this for not procrastinating and stay focused for 10 hours, use this technique for learning any language in 3 months…
It’s always easier to take the medicine all the time rather than asking why you are getting sick every moment.
The above examples are the same. They focus on the symptoms rather on paying attention to where it comes from. That’s the “why” I don’t do things in a natural way and I have to force everything.
Cause –> Effect
So every piece of information on internet is useless? It helped me in certain moments for a short period of time, but I found myself in a roller-coaster most of the time. I go up and down and it seems like I’m going backwards of what I though I had learnt in the past.
Scarcity VS Abundance
The problem is in the origin where thoughts are born.
I have to learn this in order to not be a shithead. I won’t get the job unless I do it perfectly. She is the woman of my dreams I cannot fail. If I don’t stick with this routine I’m worthless.
All this toxic thoughts are born out of scarcity. Something I don’t have. After that a feeling of neediness grows inside me because I’m sure that I need whatever I want.
What if I thought the opposite?
What if I thought that there’s no need for effort to stick to that routine, go for the kiss of that woman I like so much, or kill it on that job interview? What if I thought that I can have the best moment of my life even if I feel a burning sensation in my stomach?
I have had an “approach problem”. Why? Because I’m using a limited paradigm creating me an internal fight and my subconscious doesn’t approve what I’m doing.
Here’s when the optimization concept comes into play. I’m optimizing when I learn or do something for increasing my value. Here are a few examples:
I go to the gym because when I’m ripped and strong I will attract more women and like myself. I need to read more about coding before I start trying it out. When I make at least 5.000€ a month I will be worthy of friends and people will look up to me. I’m worth nothing unless I have sex with 30 different women.
Let go. After each one of these examples there’s a negative thought. In these case the desire to be something. Of course this doesn’t mean I don’t have to train or take action to achieve my goals, but the truth is that a powerful and positive motivation has to grow in order to not go backwards and the evolution in whatever goal I have becomes real.
Thinking the other way having money and buying a the best sport car in the market makes me the boss. I’m not the champion unless I own the trophy. I’m not the hero if I haven’t saved the princess and I haven’t had sex with her until she said stop.
I’m looking outside a happiness that is not inside me. I’m externalizing my problems and assuming I come from scarcity.
Having > Doing > Being
Doing all this I’m using a lot of willpower, forcing myself to go forward. When movement is created that way, it needs more strength for continuing otherwise I will lose the momentum. In other words, the day I stop pushing myself I will go backwards mentally speaking. Why? Because I cannot trick the subconscious.
Everything I mentioned before is enforcing what or who I am NOT unless I put effort. So if I stop striving, if I stop hustling I will stop being it. This is solidly forged in our culture of “compete to win” or “study day and night to become who you want to be”.
The big question is how to actually stop this cycle. According what David Hawkins say, we are all a bunch of “naturals”. Letting go all the negative emotions we can become free to do what we always wanted and the inspiration will come in this natural way.
I’ve had these magic days when everything went the right way without putting much effort and without thinking about it. It’s easily comparable on my days of game and pick-up, when speaking with a stranger woman that I didn’t find attractive at all. I felt super confident, funny, charming and sexy without thinking about it. I wasn’t thinking about the result.
A while afterwards, going to that “10 woman” I don’t know what to say and my words run into each other. Why? Because my subconscious is reminding me that I’m lying to myself and I’m not good enough.
Doing it for me or doing it for my ego
In whatever area I worked on, I optimized and went forward putting effort, but I am not. And since I’m not, I will stop doing. Even if I go so much forward working more than anybody else, inside me I know that the moment will come when I will feel hideous the moment I stop going to the gym, studying languages or don’t approach and then the internal fight will begin.
It’s in fact the ego that destroys me that way because I fed him optimizing myself. I let a negative feeling change the things I want to improve. It has been the strengths and not the being that has taken part of my progress.
I believe that the key to solve this last part is being authentic. I know it sounds very cheeky and everybody has heard this since the beginning of dawn, but what about the idea of not doing something I don’t want to do. If I’m sad, I don’t force myself to be happy. If I lost, I don’t hate myself for not wining.
Not for not doing and not having, I stop being. I’m not a robot. I’m a human being so I make mistakes and sometimes things don’t go the way I want. I have to stop lying to myself if I’m congruent with my feelings. Stop doing things that I don’t want to do only for being somebody I am not. The truth attracts the truth.
I’ve underestimated authenticity. Everybody hates lies, fakes and loves authenticity and the truth. I can develop a healthy self-confidence not based on ego if I learn to listen to myself from inside and not outside. Being the best version of myself has to be a consequence, not an end goal.
Being > Doing > Having